Cannabis Seeds Store - Time for a laugh

With a difficult year of 2020 now behind us why not start 2021 with a lot of giggles? At Cannabis Seeds Store our blog to start 2021 off is the top weed jokes of all time.

You can use these with family, friends or just to brighten your day up. At Cannabis Seeds Store we all love a joke especially when it involves weed.

We hope you enjoy these Cannabis Seeds Store jokes!

Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?
 A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!

 Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, how are you?"

 Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? A: Double jointed.

 Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers? A: Malnutrition. 

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? A: Because potholder was taken

 Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed? A: Neither did I.

Q: What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard? A: A Joint Family

. Q: What do you call a stoners wife? A: Mississippi

Q: What does marijuana and the Carolina Panthers have in common? A: They both get smoked in bowls. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.

Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? A: A joint in each hand!

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So high

 Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they are all in HIGH school

Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in McDonalds? A: A baked apple pie.

 Q: What did the stoners girlfriend say? A: If I cannot marry a dude, I will Mary Jane

 Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana

Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!

 Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A: A baked potato.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?  A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

 Q: What do you call a stoner when horny? A: A weed wacker!

 Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexican stoners? A: Baked Beans.

Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? A: Wave.

 Q: What did the frog say after lighting up? A: Don't Worry be Hoppy?

 Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana? A: A pot belly

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.

Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot? A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.

 Q: How do you know you are a pothead? A: You studied five days for a urine test?

Q: What do you call a pothead that does not inhale?  A: Mr. President. 

Q: What do you do if you see a space man while getting high? A: Park in it dude.

 Q: What's the point of a weed wacker?  A: Weed whackers need to whack it too! 

Q: What does a mermaid smoke? A: Seaweed. I got high last night with Ted Mosby. And now I cannot remember "How I Met Your Mother"

Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios? A: He thought they were donut seeds.

Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at Woodstock? A: A Liar.

Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?  A: A pothole! 

Q: What is Reality? A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed. A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!"  The Fireman asked, "How do we get there?" The stoner says "DUH, in a big red truck!"

Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb. A: Screw it, we got lighters

 Q. How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A. I do not know! I have never had it longer than an hour!

Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie? A: Put it in his work boots. Q: What do you called a doped-up Pikachu? A: Tokemon!

 Q: What do you call a Disney cartoon where the kids chill and do nothing? A: Phineas and Herb.

 Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners? A: Politicians do not inhale...they just suck.  Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? A. Homeless.

Q: Did you hear about the time Mark Paul Gosselaar got high and had the munchies? A: He was Saved by the Taco Bell.

 Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker? A. When a pothead is driving down a road, he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph and talking to the upholstery.

 Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The cop!

Q. Why did the stoner cross the street? A. His dealer lived on the other side.

 Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common? A: They both get blitzed!

 Q: What type of pizza does a pothead eat? A: STONEBAKED!

 Q: How do you hide money from a hippie? A: Put it under the soap.

 Q: What do a quarterback and a pothead have in common? A: They both get blitzed

Q: What did the stoner at the party say before the cops came? A: Let us blow this joint.

# Q: Did you hear about the midget that got baked? A: He could finally hold his head up high.

 Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb A: Who cares man, it is too bright in here anyway!

 Q: What do you call an event when two cities that legalized marijuana get together. A: The Super Bowl Q: What do you get when you eat too much hash brownies? A: A pot belly

 Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? A: He was too far out, man!

Q: What do you call a TV show about physicists smoking weed? A: The Big Bong Theory.

 Q: What is a stoner's favourite dream? A: Getting so high he can eat a star.

 Q: How do sharks get high? A: reefer

Q: How did the pothead burn his ear?  A: He answered the phone while ironing his clothes

 Q: What do you call a stoner flying through the hallways in college? A: Enjoinment.

 Q: What cartoon does Mary Jane watch? A: The Power Puff Puff Pass Girls

 Q: What do you call the dude that brings shrooms to a party? A: A fungi

Q: Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana shop? A: First they had to case the joint.

Q: What do you call a cartoon about smoking trees? A: George of the Junkies.

 Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman? A: Protestant woman gets stoned before they commit adultery.

Q: What is 421 also known as? A: National drug test day.

 Q: Did you hear about the guitar that got baked? A: It was highly strung.

 Q. How do you get a one-armed hippie out of a tree?  A: Hold out a joint!

Q: What do you call someone who smokes the Forest of Feelings? A: I Don't Care Bears.

Q: What do stoners put on their spaghetti? A: Legalized Marinara.

 Q: Why don't stoner get into arguments? A: Because they take the high road.

Q: How do stoners go hunting? A: With high powered rifles.

 Q: What do you call a fly on marijuana? A: A Highflyer.

I hope you have had many laughs from these weed jokes that CSS have shared with you today.

I wish you all a better 2021 and stay safe.

Thanks for reading - Cannabis Seeds Store